The Old Quotes page
All the pics and accompanying soundfiles to have graced the main page so far,
starting with the oldest. (Click on the picture to hear the quote,
and click here for the most recent one.)
05-07-1999
This quote is taken from Klutter, a cartoon about a heap
of clutter come to life. The situation: a group of children is
trying to stay awake until 2 a.m. to watch a horror movie, and
to that end have put up a tent on the lawn. The father of one of them
occasionally looks outside to see how they're doing.
01-10-1999
Taken from Yes Minister, a comedy about
British politics. Humphries, the minister's secretary, wants to
quit his job. That's not quite how he expresses it, though.
01-01-2000
Ned Flanders, filling in his tax form right on
time on the first of January, and telling his son what taxes are for.
01-04-2000
This is one for Father's Day. Duckman has traced his
biological father, a paranoid redneck, and decided to adopt his lifestyle.
His family, believing he is being held against his will, feel morally
obliged to save him.
01-07-2000
A rather endearing one this time. Kermit, as the dashing
swordfighter Captain Smollett in Muppet Treasure Island, confesses his personal
belief when his sword slips from his hand and he feels the opponent's blade at his
throat.
01-10-2000
And another one for Father's Day! Although the Simpsons are fonder of their
father than the Duckmans, they're just as realistic in their assessment of
him.
01-01-2001
Here's a bit of wisdom from X-file investigators Mulder and Scully,
taken from the episode "Millennium":
01-04-2001
From the first episodes of Blake's 7, that heady time between their
escape and the Federation's calling in major badguy Travis to hunt them
down, when it seemed that the sky was the limit: Vila asks some security
personnel for advice.
09-07-2001
From the second episode of God, the Devil and Bob, which is about,
well, God, the Devil and Bob. Recorded from the BBC as, needless to
say, this series was banned in the US...
06-10-2001
X-Files again: episode 6 of season 1, Mulder comments on the fact that a
suspect of theirs has just put some flowers on the gravestone of her former
employer.
25-01-2002
From the highly anthropomorphic Antz: this is the kind of conversation you can
expect if you're engaged to a high-ranking member of the military.
01-04-2002
The host of the show The Kumars at no. 42 greatly scandalizes his family
when he displays his new tattoo.
01-07-2002
One of the presenters of Celebrity Deathmatch discovers a sign that
their guest presenter may be a deranged psychopath.
03-10-2002
From Doctor Terrible's House of Horrible (or was that the other way
round?): the Victorian detective's way of saying "I meant to do that".
05-01-2003
From the sitcom Frasier: After a minor infraction by his son
and a quick change of places, Martin Crane regrets what he said about
that same policeman at their previous meeting.
14-04-2003
Taken from the Charlie Brown film where the Peanuts club go to summer camp.
Seeing these beds, I can imagine why someone would ask.
16-07-2003
From shrink sitcom Frasier again: it's always comforting to
be assured of one's sanity by the expert.
22-02-2003
A double quote this time to compensate for last quarter's non-update:
101 Dalmatians: while chasing ninety-nine spotted fugitives,
one pup-napper makes a remark to the other on Man's superiority to
(other) animals, which the obstacle they are approaching is about to prove wrong.
Chicken Run: a bit of semantic confusion between egg-farmer Tweedy
and his chicken-hating wife as the former is beset by furious fowl.
10-04-2004
While the animated Jackie Chan gazes fearfully upon the dreaded Black
Ninjas, his companion destroys the whole ninja mystique with one
cutting observation.
01-08-2004
From WWII parody Allo allo: just what do Gestapo spies
do in their spare time?
31-10-2004
I have no idea what this series is called, but the reason this restaurant
owner gives for begging this girl to play waitress on the day he expects
a visit from a famous food critic suggests he will not get a good review.
12-03-2005
Sole survivor of the Buffy Page: principal Flutie's musings about the
Good Old Days end in an insightful observation.
03-07-2005
Baldrick explains his aversion of hospitals to Captain Blackadder.
01-01-2006
Another one from Captain Blackadder goes forth:
although Melchett probably isn't referring to us wage slaves, I still
emphatically agree with his statement.
31-07-2006
In The Powers That Be, Sophie Lipkin indirectly reveals why
family dinners are such a drag.
01-01-2007
Yes Minister again, a tribute to last year's elections.
Humphries describes the essential qualities of a (prime) minister.
15-07-2007
In Monthy Python's The Meaning of Life, "Part I: The Miracle of Birth",
the expectant mother finds that her timid offer to help is not appreciated.
01-01-2008
This new year's quote features an ancient Eekstravaganza ep making an
obscure (to me, at that time) reference to the currently most popular man in
America, before he retires to make way for the next election's crimocrat.
31-07-2008
From 2001 - A Space Travesty: A mistake that's easy to make, both
in reading and writing, about anyone who's held that office lately.
01-01-2009
From the Muppet Show with Julie Andrews. No comment needed.
07-07-2009
For all the creationists out there, accidentally subtitled in Dutch. A
caveman thinks he's safe from prehistoric piranhas on dry land, only to
find they've already passed that hurdle.
23-01-2010
Three quotes this time, from a film trying to explain the
phenomenon "guys".
First, a word on how toys reinforce gender roles, as studied by experts.
Second, a word on "guys". The picture explains it all.
Third and final: a "guy" tries to fix a leak in the basement while his
worried wife is comforted by a friend who is also married to a "guy".
31-07-2010
What a fertile source of quotes a film can be. Three quotes again, but four
screenshots, from the film of the same name about Sacha Baron Cohen's latest
personage, "Brüno", showing the world how to heckle homophobes. I passed on
the "gay" jokes to instead show those that ridiculize the other target of this
film: the fashion world.
Brüno introduces himself and the magazine he works for.
Rejected by the fashion world after he made a fool of himself on the catwalk,
Brüno is no longer welcome in the hip clubs that he once frequented, no
matter how he begs and pleads. This one doesn't need a soundbyte: the subtitle
is enough.
Vowing to regain his status, he goes to the USA and, true to his fashion
background, plans a photoshoot with children to put his newly adopted African
baby in the limelight. The parents remain remarkably unconcerned both about
the requirements for their baby models and the costumes they will wear.
When even that fails and he ends up childless and deserted even by his faithful
assistant Lutz, he sees something in a shopfront that pulls him out of his
depression. This one pokes fun at both MySpace and Scientology.
13-01-2011
For the dark winter months, some insights from the film Beowulf, which
puts the Old English epic of the same name into pictures, quotes it, questions
it and ultimately inverts it.
After a long, empassioned and somewhat testosterone-driven speech by the hero on
how he is going to punish the monster Grendel, his reply to a sceptical native
lets on that brains are worth more than brawn.
To warm up the audience's enthusiasm before serving the main course, the
original epic extolled Beowulf's great strength and swimming prowess. Beowulf
has a different view on the matter.
Their work done, the Geats sail home, the bard composing the tale of their
heroism with a little Christian imagery snuck in. And a little hypocrisy.
11-07-2011
Just one quote this time: the only funny line in Boytown, a comedy film
about the members of a former boy band who want to make a comeback.
01-12-2011
What do you get when you mix dinosaurs and old-world British humour? The
Lost World is not a comedy, but with two driven scientists, a safari-going
aristocrat, a young journalist on his first big assignment and a jungle-wise
girl to look after them, it's surprisingly entertaining.
How being chased by a dinosaur can resemble the chase scene in a Bugs Bunny
cartoon:
After climbing out of the trap in which the journalist, the girl and the
dinosaur have fallen, killing the latter, the journalist reacts as only a
British gentleman can.
If you can hear it over the howling apes and shouting natives: Professor
Challenger shows what a forgiving breed scientists are (to anything that is a
rare species) when explaining to Lord Roxton why he refuses to let anyone kill
the hominids that captured him earlier.
